Postit Poems
by Witchy Willow 2.0
Summary: Roddy starts some trouble with a clever rhyme. Silly ficlets based on children's books.
1. If You Give a Grimm a Beer

Disclaimer: Not mine – not Grimm or the children's book.

A/N: I made this up on the fly and was talked into typing it. Then I was talked into posting it. If you don't know (I figure all those stateside will) this is a parody on If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Ficlet intended to be stupid fun.

_If you give a Grimm a beer, he'll want some dinner;_

_And if you give him dinner, he'll want to watch the game._

_After the game, he'll want to sleep on your couch;_

_And when he wakes up, he'll want breakfast._

_Once he eats breakfast, he'll want to know what he saw today;_

_And after he finishes explaining, he'll want you to him tell what it is._

_If you tell him what it is, he'll want you to help him hunt it;_

_And if you help him hunt it, he'll want a beer._

Monroe growled and ripped the paper taped to his front door to shreds. So that's what Roddy wrote for his poetry class.

Nick peered around Monroe's shoulder and looked up at the blushing blutbad. "So what did the note say?"

"Just help me carry in the groceries. You're staying for dinner, right?"

"Yep, the Bruins game is on tonight too."


	2. Quick Rat, Quick Rat

Disclaimer: Neither work is mine. The TV series Grimm or the book Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?

A/N: Due to the overwhelming response for my drunken rhyme (yes the first one was made after a few beers and rewatching season one on blu-ray) I decided to give it another go. I dug through my favorite books as a kid and thought 'hey this could work'. Just as before, this is intended as stupid fun.

_Quick rat, quick rat what do you see?_

_I see a rich bear looking at me._

_Rich bear, rich bear what do you see?_

_I see a laconic wolf growling at me._

_Laconic wolf, laconic wolf what do you see?_

_I see a naïve Grimm looking past me._

_Naïve Grimm, naïve Grimm what do you see?_

_I see an angry Blutbad glaring at me._

_Angry Blutbad, angry Blutbad what do you see?_

_I see a rat that's not faster than me._

_Payback's a bitch._

Roddy gulped and took a quick survey around his trailer. Nothing was broken or out of place – not even a scent that Roddy could pick up. The only strange thing was this note neatly printed and taped to his bathroom mirror. Grabbing his violin case and backpack, the Reinigen scurried out of the trailer to Barry's "big ass" cabin for safety.

Who knew the clockmaker was so sensitive?

A distant snap of a twig alerted the suddenly hypersensitive rat as he picked up the pace.


	3. Forgive

Disclaimer: Neither work is mine. The TV series Grimm or the book Goodnight Moon.

A/N: Silly fun; planning five chapters.

_In my "big ass" home_

_There is a cell phone_

_And a long-range gun_

_And a dumbass rat tired from his run._

_And a note upon which is wrote_

_From Nick if you need anything call me quick_

_And did I mention the rat questioning his wit_

_To a teenaged bear muttering, "Shit."_

_Forgive the home. _

_Forgive the phone._

_Forgive the gun._

_Forgive the run._

_Forgive the note. Forgive what was wrote._

_Forgive Nick. Forgive his promise of quick._

_Forgive the dumbass rat. Forgive his witless wit._

_Forgive the miserable teenage bear muttering, "Shit."_

A wicked grin spread across Monroe's face as he read the note placed neatly in his mailbox. So that's where the little rat had scurried off to. He had hoped to scare the sarcastic little shit but he hadn't meant for him to run away. Nick had been furious about that once he found out. Something about school and how Nick had asked Monroe to be someone Roddy could go to.

Not someone he ran away from.

"What's that?"

The Blutbad turned to see Nick leaving his parked SUV. "Nothing."

The Grimm raised an eyebrow in doubt and made a play to snatch the paper from Monroe's hands. But Monroe was faster. He turned blocking the smaller Grimm and ran inside the house to run it through the paper shredder. Not exactly predator like but effective for now.

Nick stood behind him watching the machine eat the paper. "I will find out."

Under his breath, Monroe muttered, "Let's hope not."


	4. Clever Rat

Disclaimer: Neither work is mine. The TV series Grimm or the book The Runaway Bunny

A/N: More silly fun.

_There was once a teenage rat who wanted to be clever._

_So he wrote a note to his friend thinking, "I am clever."_

"_If you think you are so clever," said his friend,_

"_I will write a note back to you _

_To show you how clever you are."_

"_If you write a note back to me," said the rat,_

"_I will shift into a rat and run away."_

"_If you shift into a rat and run away," replied the friend,_

"_I will become a wolf and track you down."_

"_If you become a wolf,_

_I will hide at Barry's house and never-ever leave."_

"_If you hide at Barry's house and never-ever leave,_

_I will remove the bear and have you trapped."_

"_If you have me trapped,_

_I will call the Grimm and you'll lose."_

"_If you call the Grimm,_

_I'll make sure to feed him first and he'll sleep through your call."_

"_If you drug the Grimm,_

_I'll be sure to warn him._

"_If you think you can warn him,_

_Go ahead it hasn't worked for me so far."_

"_Dammit," said the rat,_

"_I might as well surrender."_

_And so he did._

"_You're damn right he did," said his friend._

Barry looked at the note taped to his front door. "Roddy, mail."

The rat peered at Barry from underneath a worn couch quilt. "I don't live here."

"And yet mail," Barry held up the note and watched the dread creep across Roddy's face. "You started this shit."

"But…" Roddy frowned thinking that it had only been a harmless joke. He had turned in a different parody poem for school. The one he'd given to Monroe was simply stuck in his head and there was no other option but to write it. That way he could focus on the assignment. Then, he'd thought it was too awesome to discard.

Maybe he should have trashed it.

Or at least only share it with Barry. Holly was a bit sensitive about Monroe and Nick. Go figure. One stupid hoodie with Portland PD splashed across the back and she loved him.

"Surrender dude. It's your only hope."

Roddy read through the note and glared at the bear. Easy for him to say. Pitting a bear against a wolf didn't leave a lot of disparity. But a rat? Roddy silent reburied himself into the quilt.

Barry grabbed the quilt and yanked it off the rat exposing his pathetic hiding place. "Go, surrender now."

"Screw you, I thought I could crash here?"

"You did. Now I'm telling you to leave."

"Fine," despite all the fury in the words Roddy feared for the worse as he slammed the front door shut.

"Don't forget to bring a Grimm!"

Now isn't that ironic. Roddy needed a Grimm to make sure he didn't get killed.


	5. The Very Angry Blutbad

Disclaimer: Neither work is mine. The TV series Grimm or the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar

A/N: It's the final one! Hope you all enjoyed it.

_In the light of the afternoon sun a small note was taped to a front door._

_One and so many minutes later, a Blutbad came home and_

_-pop-_

_He read the note and his temper flared. He was a very angry wolf._

_So he started to look for the culprit._

_He wrote one note of his own and taped it in the rat's trailer._

_But he was still angry._

_The rat ran away and he spent two days tracking him._

_But he was still angry._

_He received and read the third note and finally knew where to get the rat._

_But he was still angry._

_After the clock chimed four times in his living room, the rat showed up to surrender._

_But he was still angry._

_The rat tried to run away five times before the Grimm showed._

_But he was still angry._

_Finally, after one screaming match, one sarcastic apology, one death threat, one real apology, one promise, and one irritated Grimm, the wolf had a headache._

_That night, he had a nice glass of '72 Bordeaux and felt much better. He wasn't angry anymore._

"And this passes for an apology?"

The Grimm reading over his shoulder setting the Blutbad's teeth on edge. "Yes and no. I'm not going to kill him, but I'm not going to let him off easy either."

"Huh," Nick wandered over to the fridge and took another of Monroe's beers from the shelf. "So when's dinner?"

"Not for another hour."

"Good, then I have time to tell you about this guy I saw today."

The sharp pop of a bottle cap had Monroe turning around to face his somewhat permanent houseguest. He watched the Grimm in his kitchen take a long pull from the beer bottle before he began describing what he saw today. Looking back at the note Monroe muttered out loud, "Maybe I should have let you read these."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Monroe began folding up Roddy's latest work for disposal when he noticed a few lines written upside down at the bottom of the backside of the page.

_He wasn't angry anymore – and he still hadn't learned. He still fed the Grimm._

_He started to build a life around the Grimm and couldn't stay cooped up inside anymore._

_Then one day_

Monroe refused to read the rest wondering why he didn't strangle that sharp-tongued rat when Nick repeated his unheard question a second time.

"Hey, Monroe? What do you think?"

"I think you're dealing with a rabbit-like Wesen. They aren't dangerous – they just breed like crazy."

Nick nodded as if he suddenly knew was Monroe was talking about. "Well, with that out of the way, want to watch the Flyers/Blackhawks game?"

"Sure," Monroe crumpled the paper and tossed it in the recycling bin with the note on the back still visible for anyone to read.

_Then one day he got over himself and asked the Grimm out and…_

_He got a very hot boyfriend._


	6. Secretive Sneaky No Good Destroyed Note

Disclaimer: I do not own Grimm or the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

A/N: Okay, okay I give. Due to the demand for it, I have created a "+1" story for my original five. I kinda broke my own format because it's Nick and I wanted backstory. Plus, can you really see him writing poetry? He tried to describe a Klaustreich as "catty". Yeah, he went there.

_One afternoon, I watched Monroe rip a piece of paper to shreds and lie to me that the note didn't bother him. Then, he made dinner as if, in some fantastic way, every vegetable in the kitchen had insulted him and again he lied and said he was fine. I could tell that secretive, sneaky, no good, destroyed note was behind it._

_The next day I caught a mischievous, satisfied grin on Monroe and I couldn't find Roddy anywhere. Even after his school called his father and his father called me. I don't know why I'm on every Wesen's contact list._

_I think I'll change my number._

_A new note appeared in Monroe's mailbox. That self-satisfied smirk reappeared on Monroe's face. I tried to find out what was going on, but the note was shredded into confetti by Monroe's paper shredder. I could tell that secretive, sneaky, no good, destroyed note was behind it._

_Monroe spent the afternoon digging around in the attic muttering curses. I spent the afternoon trying to pry the answers from him. The next day everything was oddly normal. I could tell that secretive, sneaky, no good, destroyed note was behind it._

_The day after that, I got a call from Roddy's father informing me that Roddy had been staying with Barry. Barry called me as well and spilled everything. He then pleaded for me to save Roddy's life because despite everything that "dumbass" rat was his friend. I told Barry I would and that I was changing my number._

_At Monroe's house, I discovered one cowed rat and a Blutbad so red it was ironic. Roddy fled leaving a note behind that I read over Monroe's shoulder. He didn't have a choice. It seemed innocent enough, if not a bit odd, but I must have missed something. Monroe returned from the kitchen red-faced once more. I could tell that secretive, sneaky, no good, destroyed note was behind it._

_Pretending to get a beer, I fished the note out of the trash and discovered the rest on the back. Now I have to change to my number._

_So to clear up this mess: Roddy, go to school and don't irritate Monroe; Barry, I'll give you my new number since you can't keep a secret (don't worry I like that about you; and Monroe, they're kids, learn to let it go. That said, Roddy, thank you. Monroe, don't hate me for it, but he convince you to "get over it". And I knew that secretive, sneaky, no good, destroyed note was behind it. _

_You confessed after I told you I read the rest of the note._

_And I really am changing my number._

Roddy grinned as he read the note – err… letter taped to the front of the trailer door. He loved being right and he'd known that Monroe had a thing for Nick. He wasn't as sure about Nick… but why else would any adult guy spend that much time with another guy? You could call it friends, but even friends didn't spend that much time together. Or share that many secrets.

On the other hand, Roddy wasn't all that thrilled about Barry. The stupid bear had broken down and told everything to Nick. Just when you thought you could trust a Wesen, he goes and blabs to a Grimm!

-WW-

Barry read the prose in his mailbox. Roddy was going to kill him. Monroe was going to kill him. Somehow, Roddy's dumbass poems had stirred up all this trouble and now he was going to pay for it. How was that for good intentions? If he hadn't intervened, Roddy would still be building a nest on the living room couch, Monroe would be hunting down Roddy, and Nick would be peeved beyond all recognition at Monroe for hiding this colossal fuck up from him.

Damn it all, he fixed the problem!

And now he was going to pay for it.

Fucking karma doesn't exist.

-WW-

"So… we're not actually showing this to anyone else, right?" Monroe turned away from the paper in his hands to look Nick in the eyes. Praying that the crazy Grimm hadn't done anything, well, crazy.

"No, Roddy and Barry should have already…"

Monroe stood up making Nick fall onto the couch cushions. "What the… are you out of… you haven't really have you?"

Feeling a bit rebuffed from Monroe's outburst, "Yeah, already said and done."

"Not a chance of getting them back?"

"No," Nick felt a sense of irritation was rising over the comfortable feeling from a moment ago. Until this moment, the two had been cuddled up on the couch watching _Marnie_. Nick had to swallow his laughter with the selection given Marnie's problem with the color red.

Monroe huffed and ran his fingers through his hair while still holding the paper in his right hand as he began to pace. His mind was frantic. Why, why didn't Nick plan things out?

A low annoyed voice came from the couch, "Monroe, what's the big deal? I ended this silly note thing."

"No, you told two teenage Wesen we're dating."

"And?"

"That makes Roddy right. He'll tell everyone."

"So what."

Monroe stopped pacing his floor. He really didn't have an answer for that. With the exception of a chatty cousin in Antwerp, no one else local would care. Nick was strangely accepted by the local Wesen population – even more so by the day. Hell, he could probably bring Nick to the Helvetica Tavern. Stumped, "I don't know."

Nick got up and pulled Monroe back to sit on the couch. He had been cuddled up against the Blutbad and wanted to return. Pulling Monroe back down on to the couch, "Let it go, Monroe. It's not the end of the world."

"Anymore platitudes?"

"Naw, I'm good."

Monroe turned his eye back to the screen for a moment before asking one final question, "You didn't really change your number, did you?"

"Damn right I did. Remind me to reprogram your phone."

-WW-

Elsewhere a miserable bear was getting an earful from an irate rat.


End file.
